you're making me angry

Not The Only One: Why People Hate San Francisco

2011-03-05T16:00:00.000-08:00

At the end of September 2010, after my travails in Korea, I moved to San Francisco. It was wonderful at first - fair weather, no more school, no more teaching, a new life.

Over the past year and a half, I have grown to hate this city. People love this city - and I don't blame them. They have their reasons. But, I have mine too.

My top 4 reasons why I hate San Francisco:

Terrible public transportation
Not enough (not enough people, not enough warmth, not enough excitement, not enough relaxation. pick something and do it well, sf! sf is mildly pleasant in a lot of ways but isn't great in many)
Sub-par neighborhoods that get hyped but can't deliver - e.g. the Mission (almost always disappointing and dirty), North Beach (why does everyone look kind of trashy?), Marina (douche douchy and douchier)
Lack of close friends + too many couples

The last is not really San Francisco's fault - I suppose it's mine. But, it's a little bit San Francisco's fault in that a) everyone seems like a transplant and b) there are a lot of freakin couples! I say this as part of a couple myself but couples are boring and/or want to do their own thing (as do I, so I get it) but not as fun. Then you hang out with single ppl and all they want to do is find someone they like and/or hook up. I suppose this is a universal problem.

I did a quick Google search on "I hate San Francisco" and found a TON of results. Here are some reasons why other people hate this city:

Adventures in Capitalism says: "no left turns, lack of parking, plentiful supply of homeless people, crappy public transportation system." His last two I completely agree with: 1. "Every miserable night on the town...seems to devolve into a Sisyphean quest to find 'the' right bar o night club." (AMEN, SF has the worst nightlife ever. Ever.) and 2. "The smug, self-satisfied attitude of residents who are convinced they live in the greatest city in the world."
That's Empress to You says: "the way people don't know how to negotiate a sidewalk or any public space," muni (public transportation system for the uninformed), "neighborhood-specific superiority complex."
Aaron Greenspan on Huffington Post posted a picture: Department of Parking and Traffic

There were thousands more results but I only skimmed the first few results.

Consensus: Why do People Hate San Francisco?

1. Public Transportation

2. Homeless People

3. The Neighborhoods

4. Pretention

Now that that's said and done, please move here and keep me company. I will make you dinner from delicious Bay Area produce.

what day is it?

2010-08-03T08:38:00.001-07:00

EDIT AUG 4 8:30am: This happened again this morning!! Thought it was Saturday, but no - only Wednesday. Ughhhhh

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It's pretty bad when you wake up on a weekend thinking you have work. we can all agree that those first few seconds are filled with panic dread then relief.

But it's even worse when you wake up on a weekday thinking it's the weekend. Then, feelings go from joy relaxation to bitter disappointment then sorrow.

Moral? It's better to go from sad to happy than happy to sad. Set your default to negative feelings of sorrow and fury, and you'll contantly be pleasantly surprised (instead of bitterly disappointed).

Easier than it sounds. That's what YMMA is for!

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things I hate right now

2010-08-02T19:08:00.001-07:00

I'm back, thanks to this blogger droid app. I have neither time nor care to blog from the comp, considering I get home so late after work, but I do have time on my commute. and that's then I'm angriest. so blogging from droid it is.

I'm hating a lot of things today. after a happy weekend, fury and resentment are back, full force.

1. when ppl talk to me while I'm on the computer: a) I'm busy, why are you breaking what little concentration I have? b) I didn't hear the first part of what you said so now ur just wasting both our time by repeating your words.

2. fat ppl who sit on the bus: ok, sometimes genes make ppl fat. or socioeconomics, indirectly via diet. I'm not hating bc of that. all I'm saying is, why are you sitting on the bus? stand! you'll lose double the calories you would than sitting, and maybe you can tone your lower back or abdomen that way. at least try a little, I'm not asking you to run a marathon.

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Possible Shut-Down

2010-03-03T01:22:00.000-08:00

Folks, I may have to shut down You're Making Me Angry. I'm realizing that a) Angry is becoming Sad, and Sad isn't funny, and b) the things, situations, and people who do make me Angry? -- I probably shouldn't blog about them.

YMMA has become a sad, silent little world.

I've tried to offset this void by posting more guest blogs, but I can't do that forever. I may change my mind and if something really boils my blood & isn't about anyone I care about or work for, then I'll rant away.

It's hard to be angry when you're so exhausted.

ymms: you're making me sad

2010-02-09T22:53:00.000-08:00

Everything's making me sad these days. I rather be angry than sad. At least when I'm angry, I feel energized and independent in my sound and fury. With sadness, I feel insecure, alone, hopeless, and helpless. Especially when I don't want to articulate the reasons for my sorrow, that I think they're baseless or silly or plain stupid.

The worst part is that initially, I do feel angry. But that anger soon gives way to sadness. This is pathetic. My anger turns to sadness because of my fear. Fear of loss. My emotions are running away from me.

I am lonely.

Believe it or not

2010-01-30T17:47:00.000-08:00

A huge chunk of my week's goals have been met! And it's before 6pm on Saturday!
I'm getting a little less angry by the day.

So of my original goals:

FAIL: Fruit Bats on Friday
YES: Friday Fone interview
NOT YET: finally coloring my indie rock coloring book jen gave me.
YES: hearing about chands new job.
YES: some sort of approval or encouragement from bosslady.
YES: finishing east of eden, but this is sad, too. so if i get a new book to start.
YES: Hike in Marin Headlands
YES: job offer.
NOT YET: taking some photos.
YES: playing guitar or ukulele.
SORT OF: a successful date night of some sort.

Maybe making these weekly goals actually works!

Whattya know...

FFFFFFFFFFFF: 2010 makes me angry.

2010-01-28T01:22:00.000-08:00

I'm so angry. At myself. 2010 has been a big, fat FAIL so far and it's all my fault.

Fail 1: I still don't have a FT job.

Fail 2: I fear that #FightingFridays is actually becoming worthy of a trending topic.

It's almost February 2010, people! Another F to throw into the bag. It's almost February and where am I? EXACTLY WHERE I WAS FOUR MONTHS AGO. On Fulton St., yet another F.

F, WHY MUST YOU HAUNT ME SO?

Apparently, I also suck at racking up frequent flier miles b/c I never bothered keeping track. & I fly all the goddamn time. This makes me stupid & Andrew angry.

GAKJHALKJAHA.

LETS THINK HOPEFUL, then. What would make me feel better about 2010 this week?

seeing the fruit bats on friday. that's a positive FF.
rocking fone interview on Friday. FF.
finally coloring my indie rock coloring book jen gave me.
hearing about chands new job.
some sort of approval or encouragement from bosslady.
finishing east of eden, but this is sad, too. so if i get a new book to start.
going on a nice hike.
job offer.
taking some photos.
playing guitar or ukulele.
a successful date night of some sort.

I'll keep you posted if any of these actually pan out.

WEEKLY GOALS, people. Apparently, I can't handle any longer-term ones.

BTW I HAVE AN AMAZING SECRET/SURPRISE but cannot disclose until I have a FT job. Otherwise, it just seems like I have very poor decision making skills.

Jump ship.

2010-01-24T22:28:00.000-08:00

Guest post by Esther, back from her sea voyage to Obe-city. E, I feel ya. Fat people piss me off, too.

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So, I have just returned from the Bahamas and it should have been the best time ever, but it wasn't. I have a gift for finding misery in even the happiest occasions...

First of all, Carnival cruise line, why must you blast AC throughout the entire ship? I am coming to you from the northeast coast for WARMTH. I'm tired of shivering. I'm tired of wearing sweaters. I should be able to walk around in my bikini without shivering.

So why do you blast your AC? Oh, of course! Because you must accommodate the morbidly obese passengers to which your cruise appeals the most.
Americans, I get that genetics is a big factor in determining the shape of your bodies. However, if genetics are working against you, shouldn't you be trying that much harder to watch what you eat? Or is being fat a "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" type thing? In any case, I don't think those 4 hot dogs are going to help you. Furthermore, I don't think shoving those hot dogs onto your kids' plates is very helpful. Are you raising children, or cows?
And fuck, Carnival, if you know that the majority of your passengers are obese, why not make your hallways a little wider?
Get out of my way FATTY.

And is it so much to ask for just ONE well lit room? Every single deck is devoted to boozing it up at night, but not all of us want to booze and cruise. (To all you assholes who told me I wouldn't get seasick - you all underestimate the sensitivity of my inner ears.)
I just want to curl up into a nice comfy chair and read. I'm not asking for an entire deck. Maybe just a room?

Also, if you've ever been on a cruise, you'll notice that most of the workers are Southeast Asian. So, I can understand why they would be interested in where I'm from, etc. I can see the look of disappointment on their faces when I say that I'm from NY, and not China, Japan or Korea. Finally, I tell them that I'm Korean so maybe they'll stop asking me questions like, "Were you born in NY? Are your parents from NY?"
But the questions don't stop there. They continue with, "how do I say 'good evening' in Korean?" I'm sorry, did I sign up for a language exchange program? And you have the audacity to laugh at me when I say that I don't know how to say 'good evening' in Korean? It just doesn't fucking exist in Korean. Nobody says that, you fool. Go buy Rosetta Stone or some shit like that and leave me the fuck alone.

And mom, can you stop telling me to not go anywhere on the ship without my sister? Nobody is going to kidnap me. We're on a fucking ship. Where are they going to take me? And you want me to not sit so close to the edge because I might fall in? At this point, there's a greater chance of my jumping off the ship myself.

But maybe my mother's concerns are not so ridiculous. Asshole who was rooming 4 doors down from me, how the fuck did you know that I was from NY? You catcall me in front of your friends and then tell me that New Yorkers are cold? Yes, actually, I'm a cold-hearted bitch, so I won't prove you wrong by responding with, "Oh baby. I'm so turned on by your catcalls. Please let me fuck you now." Fuck off. You're fugly.

And to the woman who worked on the "serenity adults only" deck. Of course I'm over 21. There's a sign on the door that says "over 21 only." Even if I were only 17, I'm pretty sure I can fucking read. And isn't the "serenity adults only" deck pretty self selective? Chances are, if I don't want to be on the pool deck with screaming brats then I'm pretty "adult" like anyway, right? Do I have to be over 21 to appreciate some peace and quiet?

Economics of Relationships: Point & Counterpoint

2010-01-05T15:57:00.000-08:00

Esther and I may be similar in many ways, but we differ in our views on relationships. Esther calls boys lemons; I think of them as good investments.

She recently wrote a post on the Economics of Relationships on her blog, Esthernomics: http://bit.ly/5vt2mO
Here is my counterpoint: http://bit.ly/84ATAL

Let us know what you think by taking the survey at the end of my post. Are boys lemons or investments? Can they be both?

monster

2009-12-19T11:28:00.000-08:00

i am feeling extremely jealous these days.

hmmm.

lyrics will just fuck you up

2009-12-10T00:21:00.001-08:00

Everyone does it, I think. Apply song lyrics to their lives, that is: relating their life experiences to song lyrics and vice versa--interpreting song lyrics through life experiences. Some search for hidden meaning or deeper understanding through music. Or not even: maybe just immediate, superficial answers -- magic 8 ball style.

And it's dumb. Don't get me wrong, I do it too. But it's plain confusing, if you're looking for answers.
Real-life example time! Subject: ME.

If you haven't noticed, I've been feeling pretty depressed, hopeless, and claustrophobic these days. Regretting past decisions but not really seeing better alternatives. So, today, I was listening to Voxtrot. Now, I love Voxtrot. When I'm excited and hopeful, Voxtrot can make me more so; Furious and angsty, same thing; Wistful and longing, yes.

Take it's most popular, "Start of Something."

Is this the end or just the start of something really, really beautiful, wrapped up and disguised as something really, really ugly?

Is this supposed to be encouraging in my time of unemployment and loneliness in a new city? It's uplifting, sort of; maybe these dark winter days are just the start of a beautiful 2010.

Inside your room, you said, "You never really live until your back's against the wall."

Alright, okay, I'm feeling a little bit better. The song's telling me that life is full of challenges but without them, you're not really living life. This unemployment process is just a bump in the road, or maybe not even - just another experience to add to my arsenal of what makes me interesting and hilarious.

Then, BAM. Voxtrot hits me with this:

I think it's time to go home

What the hell are you saying now, V? I should move back to to NY? I know I've been thinking this for a while, but say it ain't so! The way that line flows in the song makes it seem like everything building up to it was delusional, denial and now you're taking a step back and realizing, uh, I think it's time to wake up and go home. I'm not fitting into SF - I have no friends, no one wants to hire me, I bring no value to anyone in my life here. (I'm not saying I'm going to do this; just my Voxtrot thought process)

Another one! Let's do "Raised by Wolves", another favorite of mine.

I was going hungry and lazy here when you stopped me in my tracks. I was going crazy; I was desolate and ready to kill

So, I'm assuming this person who stopped me in my tracks is my significant other. This specific S.O. is completely hypothetical and exists only for the purposes of this post. Real S.O., PLEASE do not analyze - I PROMISE I'm not being passive aggressive!

Okay, back to the lyrics: I get frustrated, hungry, lonely, lazy, etc., but the S.O. snaps me out of it. S.O.s can do that, boys being boys. I'm feeling hopeful, romantic maybe.

And you break this into waste. We are desperate, lonely and underpaid. I’m a bitter man, I know, but listen, honey, you're no fun

What I think when I read this: Maybe we're together b/c we're both lonely and struggling with jobs. Maybe we have no one else. But I'm already a bitter person--I don't want S.O. to be bitter, too! That just spells disaster. So, now this thought is making its rounds in my head and I don't WANT to think this! It does not bode well for this hypothetical relationship! Doubts I never knew I had are surfacing at this very moment!

First you fade into the background, wouldn’t even call me, had the nerve to leave me. Go ahead and love me. I’m a hungry man ever since you went away

Now this one is just plain confusing. I feel conflicted - S.O's being negligent, but still asks for my affection. Takes, takes, without giving, but I'm permanently scarred. Ever since being emotionally abandoned or uncared for, I'm never to fully trust again - just a girl starving for love.

I don't know if you've got another place where you bury all these things. I don't know if you can see the shadow that you cast on the ground.

Another discouraging lyric: does this S.O realize that his attitude, or closed-offness, or emotional baggage is not only visible but colours my mood, even hurts me at times? Is there another place where or another person to whom he can be open and attentive? Doubts and resentment abound: fuck you, world. But, WAIT.

But maybe I can see through the lonely face. Loose your feet and loose your waist. Anywhere you are, you know the freedom there is dragging you down.

There's a chance things can work out, though! Maybe I'm the one to solve the puzzle that is S.O.'s troubled mind, free him, even!

And oh, don't you wanna love? And don't you wanna feel? I remember, you were reckless, you were hungry. You were real, you were so uptight. Listen, I don't mind. I feel like I’m watching a car crash. And oh, this is how it ends. You will watch your friends. Take a moment, take a nothing, then they'll put it in again.

This is how we are. This is how we are. We are young and stupid. And raised by wolves

But we're changing, apart and together. Things can get messy, but it's exciting and crazy and completely absorbing. It's worth the troubles and the fights and it's just how it is but it's all about being young and stupid and taking risks and making mistakes. HURRAH MAZEL TOV LIFE IS WONDERFUL ACCORDING TO VOXTROT!!!!

gah. trying to tie lyrics and life together can feel schizophrenic. ultimately, you're unsure of where you stand and you can't help but feel a little sheepish and silly for being so emo. I think that your true feelings about a situation are your feelings in the morning. Not at night, when you're tired, stressed, and weary with the weight of the day on your shoulders. But in the morning, when you can start your day fresh, pregnant with possibility and all new mistakes.

Take home point? Don't try this at home, kids. Lyrics are for yelping naked in the shower. Sure, you can analyze but leave your life out of it!

more unemployed than ever!

2009-12-07T20:21:00.003-08:00

Today, I quit one of my part-time jobs.
It's a good company, interesting stuff. Problem was that what I was working on was not interesting.
Mindless, really, and they knew it and were apologetic.
The idea was: it sucks, but it has to get done.

But, not by me!

I now have 2 days/week free. And by free, I mean dedicated to job searching/applying.
And by applying, I mean screaming angst at the top of my lungs (in my head, of course), cursing the world and its ill-begotten sons.

I'm too elusive for the rat race; employment's got nothin' on me.

Timing: The good, the bad, and the ugly

2009-12-06T17:23:00.012-08:00

Hello readers. This is Jenn again, Nami's adorable college roommate. I was funemployed for several months with the Namster and let me tell you, it was the best of times and the worst of times. Just a heads up that I'm going to indulge in a hissyfit in a few moments. You'll either commiserate or feel totally irritated. Either way, the main idea is that the job search makes me angry even when I should be happy.
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Timing: the good, the bad, and the ugly

The Good: After many weeks of uploading cover letters and resumes onto impersonal, occasionally glitch-y employment portals, I finally received emails from real oxygen-breathing human beings. With the weariness of funemployment beginning to manifest itself as a twitch in my left eye, I was briefly relieved that I could move on to level two of the job search. Now I had back-to-back interviews lined up in the same week, a daily regimen of Vitamin B supplements for Mr. Twitchy, and lots of free time to prepare myself. The timing seemed good, great even.

The Bad: Hooray! I got a job offer! Hooray I got to the second round interview for the other job! Let’s have drinks and nachos! I won’t be mopey anymore! Then reality set in….oh crap, the timing is getting a little awkward. I have to respond to this employer but it’s still too early to tell if the other job will be better. I ask for an extension from the HR department in order to make my decision. Am I trying to have it both ways? It wouldn’t feel right to accept the job without having closure with the other employer. I feel uncomfortable but my eye twitch hasn’t come back. Vitamin B must be magic.

The Ugly: The company that I have been keeping my eye on for the last two months posts a job that looks great. I’m also surprisingly qualified for it (I mean, I'm like 75% sure about that). I get all sweaty and close my computer. WHY, TIMING, WHY?! 2 weeks ago, this would have been perfect. Two weeks from now, I would’ve been locked into a job and I’d shrug, oh well. But right now?! Right now the timing is getting so messy with the other two employers that the last thing I need is another job opening to fantasize over. Right now the timing is such that, with my deranged understanding of statistical realities, I could apply right now, have an interview tomorrow, and get a job offer by tomorrow night. I send in my application - an act so crazy it might work but shame on you, timing, for you are an ugly trickster.

Sometimes I grow nostalgic for those days in October when I had no job prospects but every employment posting and subsequent submitted application was filled with hope and promise. It’s amazing how that seems so idyllic even though stress was wreaking physiological havoc on my eyeball. Well, I soon realized after uploading that last application that I had mistyped the position title in my cover letter. Even my sketchy stats calculation says I just stabbed my chances in the jugular with that oopsy daisy blooper. The only thing that makes me feel better is personifying "timing" as some weak jerk I can throw threats at.

They say timing is everything but I’d like to add that timing is also annoying and I'm going to beat him up if he does this crap again. I'm talking to you, clipart guy.

"being in post bacc is like being in purgatory"

2009-12-04T19:10:00.006-08:00

Welcome, X! Our first blogpost by X, currently a grad student at NYMC. We hope you stay pissed and write often!
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professor in my post bacc program:
lets be honest here. if you're aspiring to get into med school but your undergrad gpa reads: alcohol > studying immunology, then you're fucked. you waste 1-2 years with people that you can only stand in 4 minute intervals only to take courses you're going to take again in med school. you're in between college (what you now realize was the best time of your life) and willingly forking over your social life (med school). not to mention living on loans that run out because you're drinking too much on an empty stomach (that said loans can't fill).

in the end all you can say is: fuck that noise. & make the most of your situation: writing a blog post abt how angry you are while downing cheap beer that you can' afford.

bad numbers

2009-12-03T10:12:00.004-08:00

GODDAMMIT, the numbers are ugly. Let's take a look-see.

Tomorrow is December 4th, 2009.
In 4 weeks, it is January 1st, 2010.

Do you know what this means?
Tomorrow, I will be 6 months out of college. HALF A YEAR post-graduation.
In 4 weeks, it will be 2010 and a whole year will have gone past me without my being able to accomplish 50% of my goals for 2009.
The first and foremost of which was to: FIND A JOB.
Myths:

Unemployment for Generation Y is Funemployment.
You're not unemployed if you're working.

FALSE, friends!

Unemployment is only funemployment if the people you're with are ALSO funemployed. Funemployment by yourself just means you're a fucking loser. Secondly, funinsurance sucks any and all fun out of being funemployed.
Until I have benefits, or at least insurance, I am unemployed, alright? Until I'm working FT, I am unemployed.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LONG for a dentist? eye doctor? GI specialist? lab technician to withdraw my blood and check its iron levels, RBC, and blood sugar? Damn the insured, I envy you.

Six goddamn months. Albeit, 3 of those were spent traveling. But it's still my 6th month and my potential earning power is dropping by the week.

If you need me, I'll be curled up -- fetal position - on the floor of my closet, rocking myself gently in the rhythmic silence of my failures. 28 days to redeem myself. GO.

Twitter Luddites

2009-11-22T22:58:00.002-08:00

Some people don't like Twitter. That's completely fine. To each his or her own.
But even if you dislike the site, application, whatever you want to call it, you should still be able to recognize the value that it brings, the potential it holds.

Resistance is futile. And detrimental to your business or social media standing. If you embrace it, you'll lose nothing (maybe a few minutes per day) or you'll gain everything (a huge network of followers and an outlet for your own PR).
Reminds me of Eugene Ionesco's Rhinoceros. You don't want to be the only person resisting the mass metamorphosis - the one left behind, horn-less and friendless. I'm not pushing for the "follow the crowd" mentality. "All the other lemmings are doing it" is a stupid life mantra. BUT. IF all the other lemmings are INDEED doing it, do you want to be the only lemming left in the world, staring down the edges of the cliff off of which your rodent peers just plunged to their death? You may have the last laugh but no one will be around to hear it, its echo a reverberating reminder of how alone you really are.

nami v. andrew, a TOEFL tale

2009-07-29T05:43:00.014-07:00

Update: Andrew did not show up to either Jen or my TOEFL class. Also, yesterday (the next day), when I got to school, one of my students - DS - came up to me and said, Yo what happened, I heard a teacher and a student got into a fistfight! He thought it was one of the male teachers. Ha. If I got into a fistfight with Andrew, he probably would have killed me.

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This evening, from approximately 4:30pm to 6:30pm, shit got real at Uhak. Long story short, a bloody battle ensued between a TOEFL student and me. Tears were shed. Find out by whom!

The Characters
Meet Andrew. He's a rising senior, a Korean international student in America taking my TOEFL class. He's 5'10'', hefty (captain of the lacrosse team kind of hefty), but soft-spoken for the most part. Andrew is the son of the CEO (or something) of Hyundai, spoiled, and apathetic about learning. He's somewhat intelligent but hates having to go to Academy (I don't blame him) and learning TOEFL (I don't blame him). He has absolutely no respect for me and Jen - while he greets other teachers with a bow, he refuses to even answer us when we say hello in the elevator. He lies frequently to my face.

Meet Nami. I'm a recent graduate, here in Korea for the first time to teach TOEFL, among other things, to reluctant students. I'm 5'4'', average-build, with an enthusiastic demeanor that has the ability to turn cold and cutting at the roll of an eye. I'm sick of teaching ungrateful, arrogant students who have no appreciation for the hours I put into teaching and think I am getting way overpaid (when in fact Jen & I are getting f*ed pretty long and deep in the behind).

Setting
Andrew is in TOEFL class, after missing the past three sessions (2 regular sessions and 1 makeup session specifically for him). He is slouched in the back seat, texting. I am trying to ignore this and go on with my lesson, focusing on the other five students.

Brief Synopsis of Actual TOEFL Events
While I review their TOEFL speaking recordings, I tell them to work on some reading exercises. Andrew stares blankly out the window. I tell him to get started, he nods twice. A few minutes later, I find out that he has lost his reading book. Do you want me to get you a new one, for now, until you find yours? He says it's okay, that he'll share with John, the kid next to him. Later, when we are going over the exercises, I call on Andrew and he answers incorrectly. That's fine, I tell him, let's go over it as a class - what led you to want to pick that answer? He answers that he actually didn't do it, that it was John's answer; I ask John, he says it wasn't his answer. I ask them whose answer it was if it was neither of theirs. John admits that he just guessed (which is fine, because he's not the best students), but Andrew just resumes texting. I let it go and ask Andrew to answer the next question. He says he didn't get up to it. This didn't make sense since they had been working on these questions (3 pages worth) for the last 10 minutes and he didn't get past answer 1, which he hadn't done, and I tell him this. He shrugs and slouches further.

Basically, this attitude continues into the class. And it was the last straw, after having had to deal with his BADitude for the past 6 weeks. This is when it gets interesting.

WAR
1. This is ridiculous, I yell. I walk across the classroom, open the door, SLAM the door to the surprise of the Uhak staff in the atrium area. Do you need the AC lowered, one of them asks me (Mr. Kim always cranks the AC on high and I ask him around 10x a day to lower it). No, I answer and walk to the teachers' (Jen and my) room and grab the extra copy of the reading book. I walk back into class; one of the students asks me if everything is okay; FINE, I answer. I slam the book down on Andrew's desk. We go over a few more questions until I give them a 5 minute break.

2. As soon as break begins, Andrew races outside. I storm outside, wanting to talk to him, but he's nowhere to be found. What's...wrong, one of my Writing students asks. One of my students, I reply, and start toward my classroom.

Now this writing student, we'll call her J, is quite a character herself. She's tall, tough, a bully-turned-student known among Korean high school students as someone with whom NOT to mess. And she is very, very protective of me, her lonely teacher who she's seen transmogrifying before her very eyes from an enthusiastic and earnest peer to a cynical, depressed, angry, and hate-filled instructor.

She enters my classroom before I do and locks the door. I hear her questioning the students about this "trouble student" - name, seat, appearance, etc. J, OPEN UP THE DOOR RIGHT NOW, I yell. She opens it and tells me she is going to talk to him. Do NOT say a thing, J, I warn her. She is blocking the doorway when Andrew attempts to return to class. Stay out, she snaps at him, and he retreats. J, GET OUT, I yell, ANDREW, GET IN HERE, J OUT, ANDREW IN. My voice is steely. J leaves but Andrew is gone. I slam the door and we get on with class.

3. We finish class. It's tense but conflict (and Andrew)-free. I pack up my things quickly, hoping to have a word with Andrew before he leaves (his stuff is still in my classroom). I walk outside and see him in the CEO's office, doors locked, the CEO does not look pleased. What's going on, I ask the staff and J who are sitting in the atrium/lobby outside of the TOEFL classroom/CEO's office, Principal's office, elevators, etc. I...talked...to him, J says meaningfully. I groan, What did you do, J? Oh, you know, I just talked to him about his attitude, she shruggs off.

The principal hurries to me, What's happening? Andrew has a bad attitude and is unteachable, I tell her in broken Korean. Let me talk to him, she says, let's talk to him in front of the CEO - that'll do it. No, I say, he's my student, I'll talk to him. Jen has had problems with him, as well, in TOEFL (she teaches the other half of TOEFL) and her Writing class; I want to talk to him with her so that he knows he has to change his attitude for both of us. I wait.

4. The CEO's door opens. Andrew hurries out and I call out, Andrew wait, we need to -- SLAM. Red-faced, Andrew walked into the TOEFL classroom and slams the door hard. The walls shake. We all look at each other, Oh god. I wait in the atrium, ready for him once he leaves the classroom with his belongings, he can't escape me this time.

5. The CEO motions for me to enter his office. He tells me that he's told the staff and other students to not interfere, that this is something between Andrew and me. I agree and tell him that I'm going to talk to Andrew, once he exits the classroom. As I say these words, I see Andrew walking through the atrium/lobby to the elevators. I try the door, it's locked. The CEO rushes to unlock the door but by the time I get the door open and rush out into the lobby, Andrew steps into the elevator. The doors are open and I rush to the elevator and press the Open button, ANDREW, we need to talk, I yell. Andrew puts his headphones on and mutters under his breath. ANDREW GET OUT OF THE ELEVATOR THIS INSTANT, we need to talk, I tell him. He ignores me, the doors start to close. I watch the doors shut (Korean elevator doors don't have sensors so it would crush my hand had I tried to block their closing) and bang on elevator, I'M GOING TO KICK HIS FUCKING ASS.

6. Furious, I turn around and stomp to my teachers' room. As I storm past the bewildered principal, I spit out in KrapKorean, I REFUSE TO TEACH THAT KID. She nods quickly and I exit.

Epilogue
My student, J, had indeed "talked to him", which is why he had been so upset. She refused to or couldn't adequately translate all that she had said to him but she did tell me that she made some threats, that he knew of her huge bully friends, and that he had cried a little (Imagine a big, cocky high school boy crying). She said that she had also talked to the principal, told her what happened, how big of a jerk he was. J had also recommended that he be taken out of my class because if I continued to teach him, I would get so stressed that I would "fly home to America." The principal had agreed to withdraw him.

Indeed, I had just been telling Jen that if I had to teach him for one more day, I would quit teaching TOEFL (it was him or me) and that if the principal became angry, I would quit teaching at the Academy altogether. I had had it with the students' attitudes of apathy + rudeness + complete lack of respect for a young teacher.

I'm not sure what's going to happen. I know that I will refuse to teach him if he shows up in my class (unless he gives me a really sincere apology and promises to be nice). I know that I'm going to bring snacks to the next TOEFL class for the other students, as an apology for my snappy behavior. I know that I almost cried, but didn't and that Andrew did. I know that the principal, CEO, and other staff now know that I'm not going to take any shit from them anymore.

I may not have won, but I know that this time I definitely did not lose. Korea has hardened me. And I got backup.

things that are making me angry this summer

2009-07-28T22:17:00.003-07:00

1. this summer
2. my students - i like them as people but they a) don't try, b) don't care, and c) thereby wasting their parents money and my time and trying my patience
3. excessive air conditioning
4. when people use the subjective when they want the objective and vice versa (he/him, who/whom)
5. 3 paragraph essays
6. being poor
7. unsuccessful job searches
8. myself
9. heavy bags
10. mosquitoes and their bites
11. foreigners
12. natives
13. apple
14. absence of fruit, green vegetables, and cheese
15. alarm clock
16. commuters
17. coffee prices
18. contracts
19. iCAl for not making the months pass by any more quickly
20. fb, twitter, blogs, and other social networking utilities for making me feel even lonelier

1-20, i hate you all.

the contract, or the tale of 26 FAILS.

2009-06-22T06:00:00.005-07:00

this summer jen and i are working at an academy in seoul that is to remain nameless (for now).
we had found the school through a harvard listserv and the job consisted of teaching high school students test prep -- SATs, APs, TOEFL, SSAT, etc. it advertised a pretty good deal: teach 6 hours a day, for 6 days a week for three months and receive $3500/month, round-trip airfare, and an apartment.

so, less than two months ago, we applied and got the jobs. we were offered the aforementioned terms and accepted. that was the last we heard from the academy for weeks (FAIL 1). only after much MUCH pestering were we finally told which subjects we were to teach, sent our e-tickets for our flight, and given instructions on our visas -- all less than two weeks before our starting date (FAIL 2). then three days before our departure, we were not only told we were going to teach different subjects but that we had to change our D10 visas to working visas and thus had to get background checks. further research revealed that this was a lengthy process that was most definitly going to take longer than three days (FAIL 3).

finally, we boarded our plane and headed off to seoul. it seemed dream-like at first -- the city was so new and foreign, quaint and cosmopolitan at the same time; our academy and 2BR apartment were in a sweet location; coworkers seemed friendly enough; and the food was amazing. then it was the next day and we found out that Jen was in fact teaching the first day (although we had been told that we were to start 2 days later, in order to recover from jetlag) (FAIL 4). we were also told that since the academy had just had its grand opening a week prior, that things would be hectic, schedule-wise. we understand, we said.

little did we know that the week to come was the week of hell. not only had jen found out ON monday that she was in fact teaching THAT monday but she found out that she was to teach the SSAT (which was news to her). (FAIL 5) additionally, she discovered she was to teach Statistics, which she had never taken in high school or college! (FAIL 6). i discovered i was to teach AP Literature, which I had also never taken, and that I was not to teach US History (which I had been looking forward to) (FAIL 7). oh hey, and guess what, we were teaching on sundays, too -- so seven days a week, instead of the agreed upon six (FAIL 8). we found out all of this that monday morning.

in addition, they gave us our Writing SAT books -- they were just volumes of SAT tests. no grammar rules, no writing tips, just practice questions -- no guidelines on how to teach a class we had never taught (FAIL 9). also, we discovered there was no training or orientation -- we had no idea how they wanted us to teach these classes (FAIL 10).

so, that was monday. on tuesday, jen came in at 9am with me, just to learn the commute with me, thinking that she was to teach at 11am (which the principal had told us the day before). as soon as she walked through the door, she was told that actually, she was to teach at 9am from now on, and that our entire teaching schedule had been moved around (FAIL 11 and 12). our teaching schedules, which had been somewhat parallel/in sync, were now completely different so that we were never teaching during the same hours (and thus, our collective work day was from 9am to 6pm instead of 9am to 3pm or 11am to 6pm). we also found out that tuesday that we were going to teach TOEFL the next day (FAIL 13). nevermind that a) we had never even seen a TOEFL exam, b) we had had no chance to learn about the exam or prepare, c) the TOEFL books were indecipherable and had neither CDs nor answer keys (FAIL 14).

on wednesday, our first day of TOEFL teaching, we were supposed to audit a TOEFL class taught by a substitute experienced TOEFL teacher (he was to teach the first 2 hours and we would learn from him and then teach the next 2 hours). however, as soon as we entered the classroom, the teacher walked out and the principal let us know shortly thereafter that he was uncomfortable and intimidated with us being in the classroom and that we would no longer be allowed to audit and learn how to teach TOEFL (FAIL 15). but, we're supposed to teach the next 2 hours, we protested, what's his deal? the principal shrugged and walked away. frantically, we attempted to look through our TOEFL books but decided it would be a dead loss. luckily, they cancelled the next class, but this meant we had stayed in school that day for an unnecessary and fruitless four hours (FAIL 16).

thursday, another TOEFL teacher comes in to prep us for teaching TOEFL. completely unhelpful and useless (although he was nice), but he told us that our books were terrible and that we desperately needed to acquire new TOEFL books. we were to teach the next day (FAIL 17). later that evening, i received a call from the principal, alerting me of my 9am private tutoring class the next day (FAIL 18). what private tutoring class, i asked. oh yeah, she said, you're teaching a rising 5th grader. when i asked her what i was teaching, she said she didn't know yet, but i was to teach 9-11am every day, effectively making my work days 9 hours long, instead of the agreed upon 6 (FAIL 19).

tgif. not. friday morning, as soon as i stepped out of the elevator, i was ushered into the classroom. there sat a scrawny fifth grader (but he looked like a second grader). i was to teach him reading and writing. the principal shoved a couple of readers and a grammar book into my hands and left. it was a painful two hours. the grammar book was much too elementary for his level of reading and writing. when i attempted to assign him some homework (learn how to spell 10 words), he protested vehemently. just try, i asked. he told me he had to watch TV. i reduced the number to 5 spelling words and asked him to please try and do the hw for the next day. and what if i don't, he retorted, what can you do ((FAIL 20). i had no answer. friday afternoon: TOEFL time. fifteen minutes before class begins, right after we got back from lunch, we received our TOEFL books. we had 15 min to prepare (FAIL 21). the books were in korean (FAIL 22); we had no idea how to read the rules, study tips, guidelines, etc. in class, we discover that we're missing MP3's that we were supposed to buy online (in addition to the book) and so had no audio for the writing, speaking, and listening parts. jen and i acted out all the dialogues ourselves for the rest of the class (FAIL 23).

late sunday night, we get an email from our liasion to the academy. he tells us that the academy is going to have trouble paying us the full amount since we were not working the full number of hours. we reply that the number of hours we are able to work (that are provided by the academy) is out of our control and should not be our responsibility if we are wililng to work the amount on the contract. he says this seems legit and we go to bed content but the next morning, i wake up to an email that says the principal disagrees and that we would be paid hourly. this was not only news to us but completely ridiculous (FAIL 25).

on monday, a three hour faculty meeting resulted. this is unsustainable, i roared, we are powerless yet penalized. we came to korea with an understanding of our hours, salary, requirements, and the school's inability to find enough students should not change our agreement. of course i said all this to a fellow teacher who attempted to translate my wrath to the principal since she could not understand a single word out of my mouth. after three long hours and a skipped lunch, still no answers (FAIL 26).

to be continued.

so basically, FUCK THIS.

bloodsuckers

2009-06-18T14:42:00.004-07:00

listen, mosquitoes, what did i ever do to you?
in the past 24 hours, i have acquired 15+ bites from those nasty bloodsuckers.
my tremendous willpower has allowed me to ignore their persistent call to scratch but my allergy to their poison has caused the bites to nevertheless swell.

summer/mosquitoes, i am almost 22 years old (gimme 11 days). aren't mosquito bites mostly a childhood malady? go bite a small child. go bite a growing adolescent. go bite an acne-ridden teenager. AND LEAVE ME THE EFF ALONE.

delta

2009-04-30T09:56:00.004-07:00

i am currently stuck in logan airport. i am supposed to be on my way to walla walla (via cincinnati and salt lake city) but my first flight was cancelled. now, i'm flying out to salt lake at 5pm today.

i guess i'm not really angry (yet). i bought a day pass of wifi - have watched law and order: svu so far. only stabler was there; not sure where benson was. maybe on a flight to washington, lucky her. i'm too tired, too cold, and too sad to be angry. i guess that's a good thing. i just hope the 5pm flight works out okay.

airlines, you guys are letting me down instead of sending me up and away.

edit, 1:07pm - they could easily make airports more bearable if they provide more entertainment or opportunities for people to entertain themselves. for example, gyms? i would pay for a day membership. rent-a-guitar? i would totally fork up a few dollars to strum and pick away. scrabble boards? bowling alley? wii? rockband? i'm so freaking bored. i guess i could write my paper...but no.

youtube in gmail

2009-04-20T20:29:00.005-07:00

in light of senior spring and warmer weather, i thought i'd take a break from all the rage and return to some things that don't make me angry.

one thing that really doesn't make me angry is how gchat (and gmail) lets you watch youtube in gmail messages and gchat windows. this has been around for a while/it's nothing new, but that does not dim the brightness of my pleasure at all.
more than just a convenience i approve of (like hey, travel ketchup packets, or hey, i can filter throptalk or newstalk messages), it's a convenience i can revel in. i want to tell everyone i know -- better yet i want to send youtube videos to everyone i know on gchat. if i could send a youtube video off the rooftop of the science center via gchat, i would do just that.

insomnia

2009-04-18T00:11:00.004-07:00

edit: 6am last night (fri night)! i blame a combination of loud housemates + too tired to sleep + rachel getting married (so good!) + etcetcetc.

every day for the past few weeks.
cycle, because i nap during the day because of fatigue
and can't fall asleep that night
also because either

a) i dont want time to pass
or
b) i hate waking up

maybe!

i need a goddamn job

2009-04-15T22:52:00.001-07:00

no joke.

fingernails

2009-04-03T10:18:00.003-07:00

fingernails make me feel dirty. long fingernails make my hands feel dirty makes my face feel dirty makes my hair feel dirty makes my body feel dirty. i'll wash my hands, shampoo, shower, but to no avail, unless i clip my nails.

so, i keep my fingernails trimmed short. and that serves me just fine.

EXCEPT. when this happens:

now, what i really want is this:but if i clip my nails too short, this is what happens:and so, right now, my orange sits on my desk, unpeeled. my fingernails are inadequate; my body fails me. i hate you, body, you're always letting me down.

sober, i see you look bad in green

2009-03-17T11:45:00.006-07:00

it's st. patrick's day: should be a fun day of green and drinking
i love drinking and my favorite color is green.

however, i am stone cold sober and i have realized that most people look really bad in green. i love green - green clothing, green eyes, green movement, green jobs, blah blah blah. but really, girl in the second row of my dog class, the shade of your green cotton t is just hideous. and fat girl in the back row? your green beads just make you look like a [fat] whore. just stop, yeah?
st paddys blows this year. i'm in dog class and i have to go to work until 6:30 and then other work from 10-midnight. when will i be allowed to celebrate my irishness?

eff, i need a drink. in honor of all the aforementioned themes, here's a song for you:
Shout Out Louds ft. Essex Green - Streams of Whiskey (mp3 download)

it's getting hard to be angry

2009-03-15T12:19:00.003-07:00

now that spring is in the air!

i was gonna blog about my noisy heaters, but my heat has been OFF for the entire week so i haven't heard the little men banging about.

i'm nervous about the sustainability of this blog. now that there's daylight and warmth, it might become harder for me to be pissed. but i'm sure, i'll find a way.

wiping up your shit

2009-03-14T15:44:00.003-07:00

i feel like this all the time.
sorry for the flagrant inaction. will blog about mindfulness, heaters, and the like very soon.
KISSES!! NOT. you probably have scabies.

make up your goddamn mind!

2009-02-19T05:50:00.007-08:00

the weather here is wack. mid-50s and sunny for a couple of days; then mid-20s and hailing the next. age doesn't work like that, weather shouldn't either.

i just want consistency, weather. if you're going to snow, then SNOW and stay on the g-d ground. if you decide to melt and let me see the grass, boy you better let me continue to see the grass or shit's going down. GRASS OR SNOW: DECIDE, bitch! just stay consistent.

i was getting used to cold and snow, finally. i had my system of layering down. i started wearing hats. and then a week of relatively mild weather and you tricked me into shedding some of my sweaters. now, there's no effin way i'm going back to my winter coats. maybe i'll freeze in my fleece but i'll blame it on you.

don't go off on that whole "i'm a chaotic system! you don't know me!" kind of b-s. chaos is overrated. don't you know, weather? haven't you heard? go listen to katy perry.

tread softly. you may have the power to make me happy or angry at your every whim but goddamn if you aren't going to be consistent, i'm going to stop checking my widget.

my mom can't use the internets

2009-02-10T20:11:00.005-08:00

this is the first guest blogpost on youremakingmeangry! its hard to keep being angry, so i've recruited some help. btw when she says "I am adorable", she's talking about me. lets all welcome jen, after the jump!
--

Hi,
This is YMMA's first ever guest post. You are reading history.

My name is Jenn. I am Nami's roommate. I make her angry a lot but she refuses to write a post about me. Mostly because I am adorable and our fights end in hugs.

Enough about her. I suffer from chronic internalization of anger. This only leads to one thing: frustration constipation. I get by ok. Some people's anger is like an irritable bowel, uncontrollable and unabating. That sounds worse to me.

In any case, I've found that watching my mother use a computer is a trusty laxative. I don't know why but the second she places her hands on the keyboard and moves her face annoyingly close to the screen, an irrational anger consumes me. I think it's the inefficiency that kills me. It's like that scene in zoolander where Ben stiller and Owen Wilson hit the computers with the keyboards and hold their ears to the monitor. Now subtract the humor and celebrities and add a middle-aged woman from Cleveland who spends hours each day reading her spam because she's afraid she might miss something important.

I think the main problem is she treats the computer as a conniving trickster. The evil soul of the computer signs her off of her webmail and she loses the reply she was crafting (forget the fact she was idle for 30 minutes and probably pressed back page. to err is freaking technological, not human.) "GAH! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?! WHY DID IT DO THAT?!" is the usual exasperation that follows. Mom, why did YOU do that?!

The slow "tap, tap" of her index fingers typing. the haphazard pressing of keys and haughty huffs she lets out when a webpage is slow to load. the inability to find the power button to a laptop. this is my dietary fiber.

I have to excuse myself. it was nice blogging.

i hate underdogs

2009-02-09T20:28:00.004-08:00

so tonight, anna & i went to the beanpot championship game: bu v. northeastern. we cared for neither team but determined that in order to adequately enjoy the game, we needed to pick a side. the underdog, we decided, because that way there was more to work towards. northeastern hadn't won a game in 21 years or so; bu won the beanpot 28 times. we would root for northeastern, we decided, or "the whites" as i called them.

it can be fun to root for the underdog. but it's only fun if the teams are somewhat comparable and their underdogship is due to a combination of crazy luck, an age-old curse, or unfortunate circumstances. none of these was the reason for northeastern's EPIC FAIL tonight. they just sucked so bad. they were slower on the ice, less agile, messy passers, timid/not aggressive, and panicked under pressure. i wanted them to win, i cheered for them the entire game, but my god, how was BU that much better than you?

people do want to root for the underdog. there is a certain pleasure in supporting a team that is down on their luck, but earnest and hopeful. see: redsox. but, when they suck this bad, they just make me feel foolish. i gave you my support, goodwill, deep-seated hope; why must you betray everything i've lived for (in the past 3 hours)? part of me didn't even WANT the huskies to win because it would seem unfair, since the terriers, or "the reds" as i called them, were undeniably superior. it would be like stealing a hard-earned and well-deserved trophy.

i don't mean to bash on the huskies. you guys are cute, trying so hard to catch up to the huge and speedy terriers. but, maybe rooting for the underdog is just overrated -- life is not a movie; as much as i wish it, we are not the mighty ducks.

my brief stint with underdogship is officially over. i will always be a yankees fan.

my humidifier is my good friend

2009-02-06T20:58:00.002-08:00

when he gurgles i feel safeisn't he cute?

own worst.

2009-02-03T21:48:00.002-08:00

i've been so down lately -- tired, cold, unmotivated, lazy, whiny, stressed, anxious, pessimistic, the list goes on -- that i'm irritating myself.

snap out of it, i want to tell myself, you're annoying and i hate you.

all i want to do is watch dexter and eat starbursts. i'm pathetic and i'm making myself angry.

somethings that don't make me angry

2009-01-27T01:06:00.009-08:00

listen, i'm not always a negative person. sometimes, some things make me ...not angry. i might venture to say that they make me...happy.

1. that's what she said
2. chands gurgling before every picture
3. eating till i want to throw up or die
4. sociopath serial killer dexter
5. iphone
6. when people trip but pretend like they didn't or did on purpose
7. human physical torture competitiosns
8. rockband
9. the internets
10. dwight schrute

apple fucked me in the balls

2009-01-23T20:09:00.007-08:00

so i started this long entry about how much i hate apple after today, but i'm too tired. i'm going to leave you with a few take-home points.

basic premise: apple fucked up. i try to deal with it. then apple fucks up. then i try to deal with it. and apple fucks up.

some key quotes of the evening -
a) after i tell the young apple tool genius that i can't afford a new harddrive, young apple tool says: uh, just use your credit card or get daddy to get you one.

b) after 2 hours of terrible advice, condescension, and attitude, young apple tool rolls his eyes and asks: well, what did you learn from this experience?

c) after anthony the nicer, older, but ignorant genius runs after me out of the apple store to apologize, i tell him: i'm going to kick that young tool's ass.

d) downstairs, iphone person to sister: ...are you okay? (her eyes glazing over after 2 hours of apple failure) sister: ...no, i'm not. i would like to leave now.

conclusion:
1. my macbook is still broken and will remain so until i return to cambridge.
2. i cannot get an iphone.

ugh fuck me in the balls.

can you STFU so i can hear history in the making?

2009-01-21T12:57:00.002-08:00

Yesterday was inaugurama - I'm not going to get into it because if you wanted to read about inauguration, you could have gone to nyt, cnn, huffpo, whatever. You don't care about what I think and I dont care that you don't so there.

But. I do have a thought on inauguration tv coverage. I watched part of it on CNN (with my House) and the rest on CBS (after a sprint home to my suite after figuring out that the "House viewing party" lacked both seats and pizza). On both networks, the commentators would not shut the fuck up. Okay: I get it, they're called commentators, they have to "commentate." But, really, commentators, you don't. You can STFU and let Obama et al. do their thing.

For example, while those stringed ppl were playing their stringed things, can you STFU so I can listen to the music? Or when some old dude was talking, can you STFU b/c it's already hard to understand wtf old ppl are saying. Additionally, when we're taking the pledge of allegiance or whatever we did, can you STFU and not mutter the words under your breath. Lastly, when Obamarama is talking, STFU and don't whisper to your co-asshole.

Your kind is quieter for the PGA tour. Why not for Obama inaugurama? The world's too loud right now already, especially and including my heater, so STFU.

I'll STFU now.

when all my whites were purple

2009-01-19T09:34:00.008-08:00

EDIT: 1:53pm - I have to take my comp to the applestore once i get to SF. FMP.
EDIT: 1:22pm - ITS PURPLE AGAIN. calling Aplcare, AGAIN.

12:27 - My Macbook is fuschia. Everywhere it is supposed to be white just turned fuschia, and trembling/flashing. Like it's having a seizure or just spazzing out. I try re-starting, changing my display from millions to thousands, open different windows. Still flashing fuschia. So I take a variety of screen shots and proceed to call aplcare.

12:32 - I get in touch with an Apple rep. He tells me the usual: shut down and when restarting, press option + R + command + P. I do as he says. Nothing, still raving purple.

12:36 - He tells me to go to Finder (rep: It should be on the left side of your dock; me: yes i know where my finder is). Appleman: Go to Finder, then Applications, then Utilities. I do so. Once you're in Utilities, the Appleman continues, go to D --.

The line goes dead. Hello? I look on my cell phone screen, call lost. He must've accidentally hung up. I think about calling him back but I doubt I'll get the same rep. I wait for him to call me; I assume the techie gods at Apple must have caller ID? No. No call.

I look back to my computer screen. The purple is gone. My computer is back to normal. I check my screen shots: no trace of purple.

WHAT. THE. FUCK. So many things to WTF:

My computer is less than 90 days old. Why did it do this? WTF.
I can't believe the Appleman accidentally hung up the phone. WTF.
I can't believe the Appleman didn't call me back. WTF.
I can't believe Apple customer service doesn't have caller ID. WTF.
Why did my computer suddenly start working? WTF.
My fucking screenshots are acting like everything was normal when it in fact was far from it. WTF.
AM I MAKING THIS SHIT UP? Did any of this really happen? WTF.
What if this happens again? Should I take it to the apple store? But I'm about to go on intersession. Also, i don't want to be away from my computer. and also, I'm always at the fucking apple store - i'm so sick of the genius bar. WTF.

Apple, I love you, but you're bringing me down.

when i have no feeling

2009-01-17T14:13:00.002-08:00

i want to write about things that make me angry in this blog
or when i have a lot of feelings, such as anger. others include happiness, worry, sadness, melancholia, annoyed, poopooface, stupidhead, omfgihatelife.

but i'm so tired. so tired. and i can't tell if i'm happy, fed up, or depressed.
i have no feeling(s).

my heater makes so many sounds, all the noise that i cant.

incapacitated

2009-01-16T11:30:00.008-08:00

seriously, weather, you need to get warmer.
i'm physically unable to leave my room, except to run to the d-hall
it's getting serious - i really need to do laundry.
i am on my last pair of underwear and i really don't want to bust out the swimsuits.

i mean, it's almost february. february is almost march. and march is like spring.
so it really shouldnt be this cold, anymore, right?
i can't just stayed holed up in my room all month without any underwear on.
that's not good for anyone. and it only makes the sprint to the d-hall that much more painful.

i have plenty of socks, though.

winter i love you, but you're bringing me down.

canvASSholes

2009-01-12T00:10:00.013-08:00

i hate canvassers.
they're always standing on mass ave., waving their damn clipboards, trying to make eye contact
excuse me, do you have a minute for the environment?
NO, i already gave "the environment" my entire goddamn summer so can you go suck it?
excuse me, do you care about gender equality?
LISTEN i already implied i had a dick, suck it.
excuse me, did you know that polar bears are going extinct?
YES i shot one the other day and am wearing its decapitated head as a winter hat.
go away go away go away. don't bother me. i will give you 50 dollars if you and your compadres never talk to me or even look at me again. yes, yes i know its a job and you need money but everyone needs money and a job but you dont see me with one! HA. go AWAY, i said.

dont guilt-trip me, dont act like you know better than me. we all know you listen to misogynistic top 40 hip hop songs, take hot showers in the winter, and god knows you're happy that prices are lower at the pump. so "environment" "polar bear" and "gender equality" my ass. stop bugging me for money and ask me to change my lifestyle instead. change yours, too, while you're at it, motherfucker. oh sorry, parent or guardian fucker. ma b.

this was also just posted on overheardinny.com.

That's Almost As Good As Saving the Whales

Greenpeace guy: I know you care!
Cute NYU girl (apathetically): Ehhhhh...
Greenpeace guy: You have ideals!
Cute NYU girl (even more apathetically): Ehhhh...
(Greenpeace guy looks downfallen)
Cute NYU girl (still walking): I like...your mittens.
--14th St b/w 3rd & 4th

progressives, i love you, but you're bringing me down.

sick/school

2009-01-02T21:55:00.005-08:00

I am so sick.
My body aches, my head hurts, and I'm cold and hot all over.
And I have to get on a bus tomorrow, back to Boston.

Actually, correction: on a plane.
My parents just bought me a plane ticket today (technically tomorrow) back to school tomorrow.
A very last-minute purchase but they think I'm going to die on the bus

Of course I get sick just as I'm about to return to school and rush to finish my papers and start studying for my finals.
This new year is not off to a good start

2009 i love you but you're bringing me down.

live feed

2008-12-26T20:48:00.011-08:00

i dont want to think about a big dick coming at me. let me explain.

i'm not a fan of how on facebook's home page,
one of the tabs is called "live feed"it reminds me of russell peter's standup where he's watching the gay parade on tv and he talks about live feed, but he's talking about a big dick coming towards him.

thats not what i want to think about every time i log on to facebook.
facebook, i love you, but you're bringing me down.

it was warm once, hard to remember now

2008-12-25T13:25:00.007-08:00

winter sucks. the end.

rezzies

2008-12-25T13:04:00.005-08:00

new years resolutions suck b/c a) you're never going to keep them, b) they just make you feel bad about yourself, and c) you're basically telling yourself that you suck and should change.

if one of my new years resolutions was to be:

be less impulsive

that would probably save me some drama/embarrassment,
but do i want to give up my impulsion?
is impulsion a word?
am i improving myself or just changing who i am?
wah wah wah that sounds too emo

but now i dont know if any of my resolutions are valid!
its easy to have stupid-ass rezzes like

i want to lose 10 pounds
i want to procrastinate less

yada yada yada, but what about character flaws?
what about when character flaws are inherent character traits?
do we want House to be less grumpy? do we want him to be less snarky?
NO! YES? NO.

itunes>podcasts

2008-12-23T22:11:00.008-08:00

go into iTunes > Podcasts
sometimes there is an exclamation mark next to a podcast
and i click on it and it says something to extent of

you haven't listened to this podcast lately
continue updating? (b/c it had stopped updating and getting the latest episodes)

or more accurately:

and this makes me angry because iTunes>Podcasts is judging me
don't judge me, i have had other things to do
i can't listen and keep up with every podcast i subscribe to 24/7
i need some time to catch up
obviously im busy and i dont need to be judged by you itunes>podcasts
so KEEP UPDATING and stop fucking this shit up!

sometimes my new yorkers pile up and they stress me out
but they aren't like,

hey we noticed you stopped reading us for a while
should we stop sending you issues?

NO, they don't. so STOP itunes>podcasts.

podcasts, i love you, but you're bringing me down.

mouthfeel

2008-12-23T21:14:00.007-08:00

i hate how my mouth feels after eating chocolate
and a bagel with cream cheese
not the same thing but both pretty bad.

i'm going to explode when i get back to school
i'm counting on it
and planning out all my moves